Part 2 of "Loving Without Receiving Back". What Does it Look Like?

Not sounding like a "cop out", I would say this: Sacrificial love is different in every situation. We can't give a blanket answer because each person, each situation is different.

Let me give you 5 insights I have had over the last 30 years in learning to love others sacrificially and you can prayerfully glean from them for your own life what you may. Some may seem so simple but they require deep thought, prayer and investment.  My prayer is that you will see through God's eyes, my own experience and learn what you need to from it.

I will tell you that even though these 5 things are hard and sometimes I forget and have to relearn them, they have forced me in a good way to have a deeper relationship with Christ. If you want a deeper relationship with Christ, it is not going to come through the latest and greatest Bible Study or worship song. Those things ARE important but....it is going to come through sacrifice and loving others when they can't/won't love you back. That is where you will learn how the Lord can RADICALLY transform you life....if you want that.
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1. Loving a child who was traumatized for the first 11 years of his life is going to mean putting aside my own parenting model(the one I grew up with)and learning how to parent him the way he needs in order to heal. It will be hard. Others will want you to go back to the default way of parenting. Spank and punish works with some, but not for a traumatized kid. It only traumatizes them more and then they act out more: How do I know? I tried it!! DOES NOT WORK...EVER. It will mean that when they keep doing the same thing over and over again that is detrimental to themselves, you keep the door open to a relationship with them and pray till you think you can pray no more and then you pray more!!!

2. Loving a person from another country or culture means that I take time to get to know that person's culture, spending time with them and if needed, learning their heart language. It means putting aside what you have been taught about reaching out to others and finding out what will work with that person. In fact, that kind of applies to everyone we minister to. Getting to know that person and how they tick and then meeting them where they are is imperative. Don't assume that that person "needs" YOU to rescue them from their circumstances(ie: poverty, language barriers). They may just need you to give them Jesus so that HE can help them through it and you can walk alongside them as they heal and change. Let them tell YOU what THEY need and not assume you know what they need.

3. It means stopping the judging of a person's circumstances and getting to the heart of the matter. Jesus himself never judged a person, he met them where they were and worked with them from there.Everyone has sinned, everyone has messed up. I have learned that someone elses mistakes or bad decisions are NO WORSE than mine.  I have to see their "sin" or circumstances in light of how Jesus sees them. We ALL have sinned and come short of God's glory. Jesus loved them to him. Who he was drew them to him. We too can be a fragrance of Christ and people will be drawn to it. As one person told me once in NYC, "don't stink for Jesus(through your actions), smell beautiful to others(through your actions)".

4. Loving someone who is angry, bitter and spewing out ugly, hateful words means looking past the words, praying the Lord will help me not take it personally and see the hurt beneath the surface. If we take someone at face value and they are spewing out hate, then they have a "heart problem" and we have the answer to that heart problem. Jesus. It will take investment and patience and care to help them come to understand the "peace that passes all understanding in their hearts and minds".

5. It means that when someone does make the decision to become a follower of Christ, we need to let the Holy Spirit guide and direct them to the things in their life that they need to lay down. We can't be the Holy Spirit for them. I, for one, struggled with this for a long time until I realized that becoming a Christian is a BEGINNING, not an end. One does not need to get all cleaned up before they come to Jesus. What they need from us, as the older Christian, is grace, mercy and loving guidance.

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Take this for what you will. I am no expert but I have a lot of experience in messing up in ministry. I have learned the hard way and these are ONLY five of the things that I have learned about sacrificial love.   I do know this though. Everything I do for the Lord requires me to "lay down MY life, MY expectations, MY judgements, MY politics, MY self" to love others. I have had to learn to be willing do this no matter what anyone else thinks.

I LOVE the paraphrase in the Message of Matthew 16:24-26. READ ON and think and pray over it today. 

Luke 9:24

Verse Concepts

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Self-Sacrifice#sthash.QGylCS50.dpuf

Luke 9:24

Verse Concepts

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Self-Sacrifice#sthash.QGylCS50.dpuf

^"Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?"

Luke 18:28-30

Verse Concepts

Peter said, "Behold, we have left our own homes and followed You." And He said to them, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times as much at this time and in the age to come, eternal life."
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Self-Sacrifice#sthash.QGylCS50.dpuf

Luke 9:24

Verse Concepts

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Self-Sacrifice#sthash.QGylCS50.dpuf

Can I Love Knowing That I Might Not Ever Receive It Back? Part 1.

I had that question posed to me about our youngest son. He has brain damage/autism and other issues from his past and she asked me that question in this way; " If you knew today he would never be able to love you back in a way you want him to, can you still give him love?" I was not able to answer back right away. It took me some time to digest it and figure out what my honest answer would be. Some moments, as I reflected on it, I wanted to say yes and some moments, no. This question stuck with me for sometime. I am still wrestling with it emotionally but intellectually, I keep thinking about how, as Christians, we are to love others out of obedience, not what they can give back to us. That is very hard as a human being to do. Not only is that questions relevant to my personal life, it is relevant to life as a minister/follower of Christ. Our world says to only love those who can give back to you the same or more than you gave to them. If they can't give you anything, they are not worth your time.   There will be several parts to this topic coming up in the following weeks. I hope you will stay with  me and chew on this question with me. 

This is the first scripture I chose to reflect on this week.  It is a good beginning for me as I process this year, what it means to "truly" love someone without demanding that they love me back.

John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Without getting too theological, I noticed something in this verse, "as I have loved you". I began to reflect on what that meant and in a nutshell, Jesus sacrificed his own life out of His love for us. He did it knowing He might not get anything in return. He did it out of a deep, deep, sacrificial love. Can we do that? I think if we have a relationship with Jesus, if we abide in Him daily, if we see the relationship as more than just going to church or living rules, then yes we can. Will the emotions still be there? Yes. Will it be frustrating? Yes. Will we mess up? Yes. But we have the CORE motivation of sacrificial love and the Lord will continue to guide and direct us and prune away our selfish nature if we let Him.

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of the reason I get frustrated is because of my own expectations of needing to be loved validated, etc. I am human and those things are part of my human nature but following Christ means letting go of my expectations of someone and what I need/want from them. I need to be able to accept what they can give.  As a follower of Christ, He tells me to "come as you are". I need to be able to say that to others that the Lord places on my path to love. 

 

 Next time: What does this "love" look like?