Been doing a lot of stuff this last 8 weeks. S came home and there has been a lot of readjustment. I haven't done things so good some days but overall the hubby and I are doing much better than last fall. We were traumatized then and couldn't see straight. Now we have some perspective. S has been testing us to see if we are going to act the same way we did before. He is not happy that things are tougher than before! He has a LOT of accountability around him.
What has been neat though is that what we have been teaching him at home, they are reiterating to him in their various roles. That is such a GOD THING! There are glimmers of hope most days and some discouragement on others. I am learning and relearning ONE DAY, ONE STEP at a time. I want to rush and see the end result but Jesus doesn't work that way. It is one day, one hour, one minute of trusting Him, following Him and obeying His Word.
Things are getting better little by little. This is one of my favorite passages. How about you?
Psalm 107:19-20 "Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth them out
of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their
destructions".
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Things I Have Been Thinking About Lately
We are getting ready to pick up S from
treatment this week. He is coming home earlier than we expected because of
financial reasons but in some ways, I think we are all ready. I don't feel too
anxious about him getting back here. I am a little unsure about how he is going
to adjust back and how we can help him do that.
I know there is going to be a LOT of adjustment for all of us as we get everyone back into the same routine. We all have had some anxiety about him coming home based on our experience in the past. We only have past behavior to go on until we see that S is making better decisions. That is going to require trust in the Lord to guide us all through this new phase of healing for our family.
Here is a summary of a few things I have been learning lately:
1. BROKEN TRUST I am learning to be a parent that "trusts but has to verify" things with S at least until we see some consistency. That is hard because I want to believe my own son but he has broken all kinds of trust in our family and he has to start over again. I don't want to be the parent who accuses him unjustly every time I can't find my keys, etc. I like the statement we learned from S's therapist. Trust but Verify. I think it is a great thing for all of us to remember when we have to build trust with someone who may have broken trust with us OR if we have broken trust with others. The offended party has the right to verify all that we say until............ I think that is a healthier way to handle broken trust than to be mean/guarded all the time and angry. This frees me up to trust you...verify what you say and if it matches up with what you say...then YAY! If not, we just continue to have some boundaries with you until...............In our home we are teaching our boys that your actions and words have to match. A good lesson for us all, huh?
2. LOVE, especially parental love, is very hard when your child has hurt the core of the family. I have had to, over the last months, ask the Lord to help me love my son again. To see him the way that God sees him. (When someone has inflicted so much pain on you...and when it is your child, it is hard to admit that you might not feel for him what you would typically feel for your child). That is beginning to happen. Love also means that my job in loving him is to continue to teach him, give him boundaries and steer him down the right path. When he is an adult, he will either choose the path my husband and I teach him or go his own way, but we have the responsibility to teach him the right way to live and love others.
3.HELPLESSNESS Our son's issues have resurfaced old issues of my own(you know the ones you keep buried down because it is easier to not deal with them but you know they affect everything you do!!) One of those issues I have been dealing with is that of feeling helpless. When I was younger, I never really saw how my dad's leaving us affected us, especially my mom. Many times, she would yell at us or do something out of anger that would be outrageous. I always wondered why she was so mad. In my younger years, I, of course, could not comprehend what it felt like to be abandoned by your spouse and be fully in charge of 4 children, ages 4-16....by yourself. It must have been extremely scary and overwhelming! I realized, though, as I worked through my issues with S, that I think she really felt more "helpless" and alone in her battle. When S was out of control and outrageous, my hubby and I both felt helpless on how to help him. We "knew" in our heads that he was acting out of frustration and other very heavy emotions, but we didn't know how to help him. We weren’t MAD or ANGRY at him necessarily (until later). We just didn’t know what to do because even the professionals were baffled at times. I have learned to name that feeling and it has helped me greatly to control my own emotions when I am frustrated or angry with my boys who have such deep wounds and heavy medical issues. I can even say to J (and hopefully S soon) that I am feeling unsure on what this is about, etc, etc and that we can try and work on it together.
4. PARENTING from an ASPERGER'S and OTHER HEALTH NEEDS PERSPECTIVE-Hubby and I are in the midst of trying to figure out how much assistance our boys are needing now that they are older and how much we need to let go. We know every parent deals with this but those who have kids with long term health issues have a GREAT mystery to wade through. J will probably need assistance with a lot of things the rest of his life like will he be living with us or in a community. How do we help him navigate that? When do we step in and when do we let go? S will need A LOT of assistance the rest of his life. His intellect tells him one thing and then that brain damage tells him something else. It will be an uphill battle for him so Russ and I will be always involved in some way with his decision making. It is hard to think about that sometimes. We had dreams of traveling and being free-er but that is not in our plan and we are learning to accept that. A friend and I were talking the other day and since our boys are heading out of the teen years, we have both come to realize this year that it "won't be over" when they graduate from HS. It will just continue for the rest of our lives with new challenges and adventures. Are we ready? I guess we will just plug along, make mistakes, fall down, get up and start again. That is all we can do!
5. A NEW LENS-Because of S’s diagnoses helping us understand what is really going on with him, I feel like the Lord has given me a “new lens” to see him. I am not putting a “label” on S, but quite frankly, because of his diagnoses, everything he did in the past makes sense now. I am able to glean from the knowledge I have from working things through with J. I see him clearly now. I think that will help me to be a better mother to him too. I am hopeful that this will build our relationship up again.
All these things have been swimming in my head for the last 6 months and these little paragraphs about them don’t even do them justice. I don’t have time to write a book so this summary will have to do and if you want to hear more, you can just ask! I will be more than happy to share my thoughts with you.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Adopting Special Needs Kids-Our Journey
You have to be warned. This is a very heavy story.....not one for the faint of heart.
All my life I have been drawn to adoption. We were a foster family when I was in high school to a friend of my brothers. M came to live with us and it was cool having a friend become a "brother". He was welcomed into our home and became a part of the family. He had a home for the time he needed us.
When I moved from my hometown to work in ministry, I worked with kids who had either been in foster care or were living in homes that were being monitored by the local social services agency(and for good reason). These kids were wonderful kids, were extremely smart and quite frankly had learned to "survive" their circumstances despite the chaos in the home and in our neighborhood. I admired them. They are now adults and are doing fairly well. Some of them have stayed in the same family pattern and some have done new and better things for themselves.
When I met my husband, I found out that his sister had been adopted internationally. My husbands parents chose to adopt her and give her a permanent family and home. They raised her well. She is a beautiful woman now and doing well. His parents worked very hard to embrace her and they don't even think twice about whether she is adopted or not. I admired that.
Hubby and I both agreed when we were dating that we felt called to adopt. He, probably from his family experience of adoption and me, from my family experience of chaos(another post for the future). But mostly, we felt called "out of our faith" to adopt one day(James 1:27). We both married later in life and tried getting pregnant with little result(two early miscarriages and lots of fertility drugs). It just wasn't happening.We took that as a sign to proceed with adopting a child. We looked at international and just didn't feel at peace...some of that was because of our strong passion for US missions, I think. We felt that there were a lot of children who needed homes here in the US and to be honest, it was less expensive. So, we signed up for the 30 hour training you have to take with the state(it is SUPERB by the way-I think even international adopters should take it)and searched our souls and hearts and began to pray for a match. We got approved and even complimented by our social worker. By the time she was through with us, she told us that if anything ever happened to her and her hubby, she would want us to be her kids adoptive parents. We got really puffed up over that statement! We "knew" that if we just "loved" our children enough...it would be okay and they would turn out beautifully in the eyes of the world.God has a way of humbling folks and we were definitely humbled from the first day of our sons coming to live with us! ha!
After about a year of waiting, we got information for this little 9 yr old squirt who was labeled as "all boy" and boy was he!! J came into our lives through foster to adopt and we instantly fell in love. He did too! He was loving and tender-hearted. He had some health/behavioral issues and it was VERY hard the first few years but we made it with a lot of support from our "village" and lots of prayer! He was diagnosed early with Asperger's Syndrome, some Fetal Alcohol/drug exposure and other chronic health issues. After a lot of support and care, he has grown into a fine young man and though he has chronic health issues, he has blossomed into a wonderful young man and has almost made it through his tough teen years(he turns 19 in June). He loves the Lord, loves people and wants to serve anytime he gets the opportunity! He will struggle some in his life but is very motivated to be the best he can be.I love the fact that every day he bounces out of bed with a smile on his face ready to hit the ground running! He is extremely forgiving of our "almost always" parenting mistakes and truly shows God love and forgiveness to those who wrong him. What a testimony and teacher to hubby and I!
When J was in 5th grade and we had just moved to our current city, we met his only friend at school. S, age 11,would join us for lunch when we visited J at school. He was smart, cute and funny but seemed sad most of the time. S was very shy and actually, we think J helped him out of his shell in many ways. He told us how his mom was sick all the time and he was in foster care until she got better. After Christmas, he disappeared. J was devastated. We searched and asked around and no one knew where he was. We finally found him and connected with him. His mom had committed suicide right after the holidays that year and left him, literally, as an orphan. At that time, the foster mom was having health problems and she asked us if we would be S's foster parents. We agreed. He came to live with us and for the first 2 years, it was really good. We all seemed to mess. He was quirky and smart and communicated some "entitlement" but we just chalked it up as adjustment and the fact he had taken care of his birth mom most of his childhood. He would "grow out of it", we were told by the experts and quite frankly believed it ourselves.
We knew he had had a very tough life. He had "survived" the hell he grew up in and like any parents, "we" had great plans for his future. He was getting decent grades and teachers were telling us that he would go far and that they loved having him in their classroom.We were beaming! He didn't seem to have too many physical health issues other than being really skinny! We started fattening him up and giving him consistency and it seemed to be working. Everyone was amazed at the change. Yes, we had some bumps. Yes, we had to help him adjust to rules and boundaries and yes, he was a kid who felt entitled. We kept thinking if we just kept being consistent all that would change...after all...all the experts told us that! We ALL believed that S was capable of becoming a young man that society and his parents would be proud of. Hubby and I had visions of college and doctoral degrees and him taking care of us when we were old. We formally adopted him 2 years after he came to live with us and all of us were overjoyed. We were "complete". We had two boys who got along with each other for the most part and we had grown to love them both as if they had been our biological children.
Then, puberty happened for S. We began seeing little things like hiding cell phones or trinkets under his bed. He would sneak food out of the kitchen in the middle of the night and hide it in random places.(One day the dog kept sniffing some cabinets in the dining room and when I opened it, a glass of milk that had curdled was in there). He had started lying and throwing tantrums that would beat out any 3 year old I had ever known(S was 15 by then). He would hurl himself down on the floor and scream bloody murder if he didn't get what he wanted. It freaked us all out when it happened and we sought more help. For two years this went on. We tried every technique out there under the guidance of our therapists, psychiatrist and others. We had him evaluated at some of the best facilities we have in AL. We were all pretty baffled that he was not responding to anything for any length of time. It was getting worse. I started to dread waking up in the mornings and wondering what the day would be like. All three of us(hubby, J and I) started having some serious health problems. The stress was greater than we had ever experienced. We had all of our friends praying and bombarding them sometimes with up to the minute updates and crying out for prayer. S finally did the unthinkable in our house and hit me. He was mad that I had taken away a calculator so he jumped me and tried to take it away. We called the police, had him arrested and after a few hours, they sent him home. He continued acting out through the Fall of 2012 and we just couldn't take much more. We were locking our bedroom doors from the inside at night to keep him from stealing everything we owned. He ran away. He cussed and spit at us if anything didn't go his way. And the "crazy" part....he wasn't selling theses things to get drugs or alcohol. He was stealing money to go to the store and buy donuts or to the thrift store to buy cheap toys or MP3 players. He would give his lunch money away to buy a stolen cell phone at school.He even got thrown out of the IT Academy at his school for stealing and lying. NO consequence seemed to be working.
Along with all this, S continued to be very naive and gullible. He has an innocent heart, much like that of a young child. Along with his high intellect, he was extremely trusting of strangers, but not any of his family. Once, he accepted a cell phone from a strange older man at a dollar store. We knew then it had gotten really serious and he was trying new ways to get what he wanted. We knew that if the price were right, he would do ANYTHING to get what he wanted. He was a walking target for predators.
In November of 2012, we were advised to take him to a treatment facility and we found one in North Alabama that seemed to understand kids with his issues. We agreed that it was time to do something bigger. It both broke our hearts and healed our family at the same time. This was the first real time that I understood the many parents I had prayed with over the years who had wayward kids. It was very hard and yet the stress was lifted the moment we left the facility. There were mixed reactions from family and friends to our taking our son to treatment but we knew for him and the whole family's sake, we had to do it.
So, what about now? For the last 6 months, S has been having to learn to make good choices, control his impulses and addiction to electronics....yes, a real addiction.He has been observed 24/7 by some very compassionate people whom we have entrusted him to for now. They truly care about S and we are so grateful. The family has been able to rest, renew and relax. S is making some progress but we have all come to the conclusion that S will have some lifelong problems. S has Asperger's Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome complicated by the trauma from his childhood(REALLY BAD TRAUMA).
We understand that his brain has not finished growing and he may end up surprising us all but this is what will happen based on their experience. He does and will struggle with managing himself and making good choices. He will need supportive services always. He will probably not be able to hold a job very long. He will most likely have multiple relationships and we might even be grandparents without the benefit of a wedding! Our goals for our son have had to change. It won't be to graduate from college and be in a successful job but to help him stay out of jail. We have had to let go of "our" dreams for him and embrace the reality of what is. We have had to realize that some may not embrace S because they don't understand Autism or FAS or abuse. We will be his caretakers or oversee-ers the rest of our life. We are coming to terms with that. It breaks our hearts that this precious boy's future was set early in his life because others made choices that affected him greatly.
Our oldest son asks us a lot...will S ever change? Will he ever be back to the way he was when he was younger. ( S had started stealing from J after he had his way with us). We have to tell him that we don't know. And we don't. We are Christ Followers. We believe in healing. We know the Lord has plans for S and we know that He can speak to S in a way that he can comprehend. But, we also know that in order to be at peace, we must embrace what is real today. We have to work with it instead of against it.
Several people have asked...would you do it all over again? Would we? Well, we can't say. We know that it is important for S to have a family no matter what choices he makes in life. We know that we love him as if we had birthed him and would never abandon him. We know that he is a precious gift from God to this world and we are going to do our best to help him have the most fulfilling life he can.
He is not going to be that child you brag about the way others do. But we will continue to brag on things like this:
*At our last visit with him, we were discussing some heavy issues with him and in that moment, he had the opportunity to have a grand mal tantrum or hurt himself. He chose to calm himself down and listen to what we had to say.(That is a HUGE deal and if you have a special child like we do......you know how significant that is).
*We will rejoice that for today, he is doing well in school. His intellect was not affected but his processing of that information was. He can do very well in school when he puts his mind to it and has structure.
*We will rejoice that S can count on us to be his family no matter what.
*We will hold on to the promise that the Lord has plans for him and can speak to S in a way he understands.
I was reading the Bible one day and found these verses and thought of my son who is struggling from all kinds of wounds his family of origin inflicted on him.
Jeremiah 30:16-17 the Message
All my life I have been drawn to adoption. We were a foster family when I was in high school to a friend of my brothers. M came to live with us and it was cool having a friend become a "brother". He was welcomed into our home and became a part of the family. He had a home for the time he needed us.
When I moved from my hometown to work in ministry, I worked with kids who had either been in foster care or were living in homes that were being monitored by the local social services agency(and for good reason). These kids were wonderful kids, were extremely smart and quite frankly had learned to "survive" their circumstances despite the chaos in the home and in our neighborhood. I admired them. They are now adults and are doing fairly well. Some of them have stayed in the same family pattern and some have done new and better things for themselves.
When I met my husband, I found out that his sister had been adopted internationally. My husbands parents chose to adopt her and give her a permanent family and home. They raised her well. She is a beautiful woman now and doing well. His parents worked very hard to embrace her and they don't even think twice about whether she is adopted or not. I admired that.
Hubby and I both agreed when we were dating that we felt called to adopt. He, probably from his family experience of adoption and me, from my family experience of chaos(another post for the future). But mostly, we felt called "out of our faith" to adopt one day(James 1:27). We both married later in life and tried getting pregnant with little result(two early miscarriages and lots of fertility drugs). It just wasn't happening.We took that as a sign to proceed with adopting a child. We looked at international and just didn't feel at peace...some of that was because of our strong passion for US missions, I think. We felt that there were a lot of children who needed homes here in the US and to be honest, it was less expensive. So, we signed up for the 30 hour training you have to take with the state(it is SUPERB by the way-I think even international adopters should take it)and searched our souls and hearts and began to pray for a match. We got approved and even complimented by our social worker. By the time she was through with us, she told us that if anything ever happened to her and her hubby, she would want us to be her kids adoptive parents. We got really puffed up over that statement! We "knew" that if we just "loved" our children enough...it would be okay and they would turn out beautifully in the eyes of the world.God has a way of humbling folks and we were definitely humbled from the first day of our sons coming to live with us! ha!
After about a year of waiting, we got information for this little 9 yr old squirt who was labeled as "all boy" and boy was he!! J came into our lives through foster to adopt and we instantly fell in love. He did too! He was loving and tender-hearted. He had some health/behavioral issues and it was VERY hard the first few years but we made it with a lot of support from our "village" and lots of prayer! He was diagnosed early with Asperger's Syndrome, some Fetal Alcohol/drug exposure and other chronic health issues. After a lot of support and care, he has grown into a fine young man and though he has chronic health issues, he has blossomed into a wonderful young man and has almost made it through his tough teen years(he turns 19 in June). He loves the Lord, loves people and wants to serve anytime he gets the opportunity! He will struggle some in his life but is very motivated to be the best he can be.I love the fact that every day he bounces out of bed with a smile on his face ready to hit the ground running! He is extremely forgiving of our "almost always" parenting mistakes and truly shows God love and forgiveness to those who wrong him. What a testimony and teacher to hubby and I!
When J was in 5th grade and we had just moved to our current city, we met his only friend at school. S, age 11,would join us for lunch when we visited J at school. He was smart, cute and funny but seemed sad most of the time. S was very shy and actually, we think J helped him out of his shell in many ways. He told us how his mom was sick all the time and he was in foster care until she got better. After Christmas, he disappeared. J was devastated. We searched and asked around and no one knew where he was. We finally found him and connected with him. His mom had committed suicide right after the holidays that year and left him, literally, as an orphan. At that time, the foster mom was having health problems and she asked us if we would be S's foster parents. We agreed. He came to live with us and for the first 2 years, it was really good. We all seemed to mess. He was quirky and smart and communicated some "entitlement" but we just chalked it up as adjustment and the fact he had taken care of his birth mom most of his childhood. He would "grow out of it", we were told by the experts and quite frankly believed it ourselves.
We knew he had had a very tough life. He had "survived" the hell he grew up in and like any parents, "we" had great plans for his future. He was getting decent grades and teachers were telling us that he would go far and that they loved having him in their classroom.We were beaming! He didn't seem to have too many physical health issues other than being really skinny! We started fattening him up and giving him consistency and it seemed to be working. Everyone was amazed at the change. Yes, we had some bumps. Yes, we had to help him adjust to rules and boundaries and yes, he was a kid who felt entitled. We kept thinking if we just kept being consistent all that would change...after all...all the experts told us that! We ALL believed that S was capable of becoming a young man that society and his parents would be proud of. Hubby and I had visions of college and doctoral degrees and him taking care of us when we were old. We formally adopted him 2 years after he came to live with us and all of us were overjoyed. We were "complete". We had two boys who got along with each other for the most part and we had grown to love them both as if they had been our biological children.
Then, puberty happened for S. We began seeing little things like hiding cell phones or trinkets under his bed. He would sneak food out of the kitchen in the middle of the night and hide it in random places.(One day the dog kept sniffing some cabinets in the dining room and when I opened it, a glass of milk that had curdled was in there). He had started lying and throwing tantrums that would beat out any 3 year old I had ever known(S was 15 by then). He would hurl himself down on the floor and scream bloody murder if he didn't get what he wanted. It freaked us all out when it happened and we sought more help. For two years this went on. We tried every technique out there under the guidance of our therapists, psychiatrist and others. We had him evaluated at some of the best facilities we have in AL. We were all pretty baffled that he was not responding to anything for any length of time. It was getting worse. I started to dread waking up in the mornings and wondering what the day would be like. All three of us(hubby, J and I) started having some serious health problems. The stress was greater than we had ever experienced. We had all of our friends praying and bombarding them sometimes with up to the minute updates and crying out for prayer. S finally did the unthinkable in our house and hit me. He was mad that I had taken away a calculator so he jumped me and tried to take it away. We called the police, had him arrested and after a few hours, they sent him home. He continued acting out through the Fall of 2012 and we just couldn't take much more. We were locking our bedroom doors from the inside at night to keep him from stealing everything we owned. He ran away. He cussed and spit at us if anything didn't go his way. And the "crazy" part....he wasn't selling theses things to get drugs or alcohol. He was stealing money to go to the store and buy donuts or to the thrift store to buy cheap toys or MP3 players. He would give his lunch money away to buy a stolen cell phone at school.He even got thrown out of the IT Academy at his school for stealing and lying. NO consequence seemed to be working.
Along with all this, S continued to be very naive and gullible. He has an innocent heart, much like that of a young child. Along with his high intellect, he was extremely trusting of strangers, but not any of his family. Once, he accepted a cell phone from a strange older man at a dollar store. We knew then it had gotten really serious and he was trying new ways to get what he wanted. We knew that if the price were right, he would do ANYTHING to get what he wanted. He was a walking target for predators.
In November of 2012, we were advised to take him to a treatment facility and we found one in North Alabama that seemed to understand kids with his issues. We agreed that it was time to do something bigger. It both broke our hearts and healed our family at the same time. This was the first real time that I understood the many parents I had prayed with over the years who had wayward kids. It was very hard and yet the stress was lifted the moment we left the facility. There were mixed reactions from family and friends to our taking our son to treatment but we knew for him and the whole family's sake, we had to do it.
So, what about now? For the last 6 months, S has been having to learn to make good choices, control his impulses and addiction to electronics....yes, a real addiction.He has been observed 24/7 by some very compassionate people whom we have entrusted him to for now. They truly care about S and we are so grateful. The family has been able to rest, renew and relax. S is making some progress but we have all come to the conclusion that S will have some lifelong problems. S has Asperger's Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome complicated by the trauma from his childhood(REALLY BAD TRAUMA).
We understand that his brain has not finished growing and he may end up surprising us all but this is what will happen based on their experience. He does and will struggle with managing himself and making good choices. He will need supportive services always. He will probably not be able to hold a job very long. He will most likely have multiple relationships and we might even be grandparents without the benefit of a wedding! Our goals for our son have had to change. It won't be to graduate from college and be in a successful job but to help him stay out of jail. We have had to let go of "our" dreams for him and embrace the reality of what is. We have had to realize that some may not embrace S because they don't understand Autism or FAS or abuse. We will be his caretakers or oversee-ers the rest of our life. We are coming to terms with that. It breaks our hearts that this precious boy's future was set early in his life because others made choices that affected him greatly.
Our oldest son asks us a lot...will S ever change? Will he ever be back to the way he was when he was younger. ( S had started stealing from J after he had his way with us). We have to tell him that we don't know. And we don't. We are Christ Followers. We believe in healing. We know the Lord has plans for S and we know that He can speak to S in a way that he can comprehend. But, we also know that in order to be at peace, we must embrace what is real today. We have to work with it instead of against it.
Several people have asked...would you do it all over again? Would we? Well, we can't say. We know that it is important for S to have a family no matter what choices he makes in life. We know that we love him as if we had birthed him and would never abandon him. We know that he is a precious gift from God to this world and we are going to do our best to help him have the most fulfilling life he can.
He is not going to be that child you brag about the way others do. But we will continue to brag on things like this:
*At our last visit with him, we were discussing some heavy issues with him and in that moment, he had the opportunity to have a grand mal tantrum or hurt himself. He chose to calm himself down and listen to what we had to say.(That is a HUGE deal and if you have a special child like we do......you know how significant that is).
*We will rejoice that for today, he is doing well in school. His intellect was not affected but his processing of that information was. He can do very well in school when he puts his mind to it and has structure.
*We will rejoice that S can count on us to be his family no matter what.
*We will hold on to the promise that the Lord has plans for him and can speak to S in a way he understands.
I was reading the Bible one day and found these verses and thought of my son who is struggling from all kinds of wounds his family of origin inflicted on him.
Jeremiah 30:16-17 the Message
“‘Everyone who hurt you will be hurt;
your enemies will end up as slaves.....
As for you, I’ll come with healing,
curing the incurable because they all gave up on you
and dismissed you as hopeless..."
This is how I am going to choose to look at it. If God decides to heal our son now, on this earth, then He will and we will rejoice and dance and shout! However, it may not be until S gets to heaven and is completely free of all the sadness and pain his life has been about. (Revelations 21) I am going to trust the Lord to get us through this parenting thing even with the pain. And if heaven is the place he is healed, then we will rejoice then too!
Should you adopt after hearing this story?.....maybe, maybe not. What you should do is carefully think and pray over it. Every child is different. Every child-----whether domestic or international, whether a baby or older child-----comes with baggage. Some with the size of overnight bags, some the size of trunks!
We had two situations...one that has come very far in his healing and one that is slowly getting there. One that has a lower IQ but will most likely succeed in life, in his own way. One that has a high IQ and needs constant support. As parents, we are committed, though, to walking beside our boys no matter what and sometimes having to make very difficult decisions along the way.
We have to SHOW our son love even in hard times. In fact, in James 1:27, if you carefully read it, it says and to "help orphans in their DISTRESS". Our son is and has been in distress for 17 years. It is the will of the Lord that we help him, love him and help him know he has the security of home.
"When God guides you to it, He will get you through it".
Some links if you want to know more about adoption and some chronic health issues
1. Children's Aid Society www.casapac.org
2. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome www.nofas.org
3. Autism Society www.autism-society.org
Monday, May 6, 2013
Living Out My Baptism Commitment in Montgomery, AL
This past weekend, a new church we attend baptized 10 people. From age 10-70's-these 10 people stood up for Christ, telling the world that they have chosen to follow Christ.
It took me back to my own baptism when I was a freshman in college. I got baptized in the Cahaba River at my university church, publically proclaiming being a follower of Christ. That was in 1979. 34 years later, sitting the service yesterday, I was reminded that each day, I must choose to live as a follower of Christ, I am recommitting myself today to what I did that very cold day in October that I said to the world, "I choose Christ".
Wondering if the "baptism" that we have experienced has the same meaning as it once had for you..." proclaiming to the world that you are choosing to follow Christ, no matter what the price"?
If we fully commit to living out our "baptism choice", we WILL make a difference wherever we live. Those 10 will make a difference today in an elementary school, a college campus, in families, in workplaces HERE in Montgomery. ..... Pray for them as they step out today and LIVE out their proclamation of II Cor. 5:17 "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" NLT
Pray for YOURSELF, as I am doing today, to recommit to the choice you made years ago to publically proclaim yourself as a follower of Christ in every area of your life.
This song was writen and sung by a very dear friend, Kyle Matthews, who is a singer, songwriter. Listen to the very powerful words..
Friday, January 25, 2013
Are YOU Ready?
"If we are true intercessors, we must be
ready to take part in God's work on behalf of the people for whom we
pray."
-Corrie Ten Boom
One thing that excites me about being a Christian is a lot of my fellow brothers and sisters get involved in the issues of the day and are very passionate about SPEAKING what they believe-issues that they feel the government might be interfering with, preachers who talk up issues and get everyone riled up, and even businesses that take a stand for something they believe strongly about and get everyone rallied around it.
I got to wondering the other day, though,after I read this quote, do we REALLY mean it when we are praying for something, ie: an issue that needs changing, etc.? Why? Well, just like what she said...when we start praying about something, we usually get thrown in the midst of the solution and we have a decision to make to be there to see change happen in a person's life. And a lot of times, we don't want to be God's vessel of help for those who are hurting or issues that are confronting us every day.
For EXAMPLE....a lot of folks, including myself, are pro-life. My question is this: if Roe V. Wade were ever overturned...would you and I be ready to be a part of the solution in helping young women/men through a unwanted/unplanned pregnancy? Would you step up and adopt kids that they weren't able to take care of or fostering them while moms/dads got themselves together?
There are 800,000 children are in foster care NOW in the United States. Many are waiting on permanent families. Many need a consistent place to live and be nurtured while their birth parents are hopefully getting their lives together so they can be reunified.
There are 800,000 children are in foster care NOW in the United States. Many are waiting on permanent families. Many need a consistent place to live and be nurtured while their birth parents are hopefully getting their lives together so they can be reunified.
Are you be willing to be a part of the solution?
And that is not just for foster care/adoption.
*It is for helping outgoing prisoners re-acclimate to the outside world by having a church home and support as they recover from their mistakes.
*It is for those who struggle with generational poverty who need people to help them learn new life skills so that they can be successful in caring for themselves and their families.
*It is for those racial issues that still exist where churches need to reach out to neighborhoods that are changing and begin to understand each others cultures and
*It is for those teenagers who need mentors to help them make better decisions or the kids who can't read who need someone to show them how.
*It is for those who struggle with deep mental health issues who need a friend to walk with them on this sometimes very dark journey.
*What if we all realized that "guns" are not the issue here when it comes to all the school violence that is going on these days. What if it were something deeper? Would you be involved in, as a believer in Christ, the solution?
Just some things I am pondering lately. How ready are we to be involved in God answering our prayers?
Maybe, as we pray for an issue or problem that we feel led to bring to the Lord....we should add this..."Lord, if I am to be a part of the solution to this problem, make me willing and give me the courage to DO something.
*******************************
I John 3:16-18 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)