Investment

Ever since I became a Christian I have been told that in order to help people KNOW God’s love, we must invest in their lives. we must DEMONSTRATE His love and not just talk the talk. I have found over the years that statement to be very true especially when my husband and I adopted our two boys. Oh, we were told that there was going to be an inordinate amount of investment with our traumatized children, but we did not fully understand until we experienced it.Their medical/mental challenges require that we show them not just talk about it. Our family journey has challenged us to SHOW God's love to EVERYONE, not just our boys. Investment is hard and messy sometimes but the benefits are tremendous.

What has that investment looked like for us?

*Thousands of hours of “redoing” school when they got home because they didn’t learn anything in class.  Classrooms are dens of anxiety for traumatized kids.

*Countless phone calls to every professional you can think of to get appointments for evaluations and medicines, testing, etc, etc.

*Explaining over and over to teachers WHY our boys acted the way they did and how to help them. Some never got it!

*Moving from a place we LOVED dearly so that our son could have less stress.

*Lots of holes in the walls, doors removed from bedrooms, bedrooms cleared of everything except the essentials, furniture broken, locks put on doors, finding hoarded food in odd places, things being broken, torn up, ripped apart and then repairing all those things!  

*Lots of mileage on cars going to specialists, therapy, hospitals, treatment centers.

*Hours lost from work for the above.

*Sleepless nights/lots of tears and crying out to God. 

*Watching very tall teens have tantrums like 3 year olds and feeling extremely helpless.

*Training and retraining sitters and caregivers on our boys  needs.

*People not always understanding why we have had to cancel at the last minute on engagements, etc. because our boys couldn’t handle the anxiety of crowds and literally fall apart because of that small change in their routines.

*Lots of criticisms on how we parent from outsiders.

*Reading tons of books on childhood trauma and all the diagnoses they have had put on them.
*Going to dozens of trainings on our boys diagnoses to be able to know how to parent them best. 

*Rethinking what “retirement” is going to look like for us.

*Realizing we are going to be very involved in parenting our kids the rest of our lives.

*Telling our story over and over again to professionals.

*Having the police visit our home on a regular basis.

*Having your identity stolen by your very own child.

*Learning how to file a police report/warrant on your own child.

*Visiting a jail for the first time to go see your son.

*Realizing that not everyone “gets” your family and feeling very lonely and isolated sometimes. 

*Being left out of things that you would normally be a part of because of not being able to find a sitter.

*Having neighbors jump to conclusions about your boys “behaviors” and accusing them of things that they did not do because they were “disabled” and being threatened with being shot. ( that is the topper-it really happened).

Now before you think I am complaining, let me clarify. I AM NOT COMPLAINING. This is reality, not exaggeration. This is the hard reality of being parents of kids who have not only been traumatized by abuse and neglect but who have medical issues as well. Kids who are having to start over and RELEARN everything they did not learn as small children. From the simplest task of tying shoelaces to learning to live in a "fairly healthy" family. 

We are entering a new season of parenting our special needs kids now…..the young adult phase. In the kid/teen phase we were fully involved in their lives. We had a say in all they did and all the docs and specialists and therapists did with them.   Soon…very soon, that will not be so clear. We are now in the phase of stepping back a bit and seeing what they can do with this thing called LIFE. It is hard to step back some. I am afraid they will be abused, mistreated, manipulated or worse….neglected. I have learned that I don’t have as much “trust” in the Lord as I thought I had. (I’m working on that)

So, investment is hard. It is messy. It can frustrate you. It can make you cry, make you mad and it can push you down…..but…HOPE steps in and makes its way into all those things listed above. HOPE draws us to a LIVING GOD who restores us and refreshes us.  HOPE gives us comfort and assurance when we don’t know what road to go down. Hope gives us more HOPE that HE is in control even on the darkest days. 

Here are just a FEW of the ways investment has paid off: 

The boys KNOW the Lord and trust Him more and more every day.
We have built a village to support us and pray for us. 

They know they have a "home" that is SAFE and comfort from the harsh realities of the world and can be "themselves" there.

They are doing better than we ever imagined in school. 

They have dreams that they did not have before. 

They have extended family and friends who love them even if they don't "get them". 

They can count on food to eat, warm clothes in the winter and a bed to sleep in. 

They have some friends now.

They have ALMOST stopped trying to bring their old habits into this family. 

They trust people more and more. 

They KNOW that even when they make bad choices, we will always be their parents and love them through the hard times.  
They have found some boundaries in their lives that they didn't learn as little children. 

We are NO saints as some have said. We are just followers of Christ who decided to trust the Lord and follow Him. We chose not to do it alone but gather a village. We prayed and God delivered all the “right” professionals we needed. He brought us to churches who ministered in various ways to our family to “lift us up”! He was with us..and still is….all the time! He helps us INVEST in others and REASSURES us that we don’t have to do this alone. He brought us HOPE.

Jesus always invested in people. He invested in the lives of 12 men and more as he journeyed through his calling from God. He called us to do the same. Matthew 25 shows this very clearly... “when you have done this to the least of these, you have done it to me” with a list of many things that call for investment.   

As Christians, we are called to INVEST. We are called to get messy in others lives and walk through life with them. Hubby and I are called to LOVE no matter what. We were called to love sacrificially. We are called to teach them, to help them practice what is right. We are called to set boundaries(yes that is LOVE).  Not every investment is as heavy OR long term as we have had with our boys(10 years this year). But every investment does require sacrifice and putting others needs above your own.

We feel hopeful for our boys. We are maturing in our faith. We are excited about what their future might hold while remembering that investing pays off! It is paying off right now…no matter what comes our way next! 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal”.