Thoughts About Mother's Day

I had a horrible Mothers Day...I have had bad ones for the last 8 years. Why? Because of the "Ghosts of Birthmothers Past", that is why!! Every year, the boys start acting out the few days before and I get sad because my hopes of being loved and showered with adoration are blown EVERY YEAR. Hubby has to take them to get a card and then they just sign their names.(to give them credit though, they do pick out good cards!!!)  Hubby has to coach them to do everything. I sometimes dive into fantasy land wishing for just one Mothers Day where I was the queen and all day they wanted to shower me with affection and kudos for rescuing them and serving them all year long! NOT!!!!

So, this year, along with some other things going on...I had blowout! A real live, childish tantrum..seriously! Hubby thought I had just lost it! I ran away and had a very lonely lunch at Sonic where I poured my heart out to God and cried for over an hour. I went home and took a very long nap. I felt better when I woke up but I knew the damage had been done. My family had been hurt deeply and  for the last 3 days, I have wanted to apologize but I just couldn't. I felt if I did that, son#2, who has attachment problems, would take advantage of my weakness. I was afraid.

Then today, after God had given me sufficient time to wallow in my self pity, he sent me a note through an adoptive mom friend who was also struggling with Mothers Day and it hit the core of my being like a hammer. Two things were brought to mind.

1. God's love is enough for me. Short and simple. John 15:9 My boys are not right now and may never be able to show the love that most mothers receive.
2. "Today is much less about how your love is received than how it is given". I did not show them about giving that day AT ALL! I have to be the bigger person here.I am the one teaching them!!

Ouch!

So, I think I need to go and apologize first to my husband for being so selfish and forgetting that he too is struggling with being a father to these two and then to my sons for my acting less mature that day than they do! And, then show them about asking forgiveness.

Here is an excerpt from my friends email who the Lord used to truly bring me back to who I know I can be!

FROM A FRIEND...Funny how Jesus sends us just what we need to hear!!!!(Henry is one of my favorite authors).....In the homily at St. Michael's, Father Jim recalled the life of the Catholic priest, writer and teacher Henri Nouwen. The name caught my attention immediately as I had read his writings before and knew that he devoted the last years of his life to living and serving in a community of mentally and physically disabled people. Nouwen was serving and giving, yet he felt without love. He felt rejected. And then he had a breakthrough: "God loves me, and God's love is enough". (This sounds so simplistic, but I figure if somebody who taught at Notre Dame, Harvard and Yale could call it a breakthrough, it could be one for me too!) Nouwen connected to the reality that God's love is infinite - enough so that he could give and give and give and still have enough to give more. Just keep connected to that source!

John 15:9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love."

Out of the mouths of babes...

My husband and I teach a 5th and 6th grade Bible Study class at our church. Most of the kids come from families of low wealth. Most are from a different country. For the most part, they are really good kids and do well. A couple of weeks ago, we were having a snack of milk and muffins and I was telling them about Japan and the devastating earth quake there. They were very moved by what happened. Immediately, one of the girls, a very shy one in our class sat up and said, "we must do something about that!". I asked them to think of some ideas. She immediately said, "why don't we sell muffins and milk before and after Sunday School? "  I thought that was a great idea. So we planned and talked and the next week, we did it!! The kids sold mini muffins and milk at $1 and people came out of the woodwork and donated over and above the cost. We ended up raising about $106 and at the end of the time, we got a great surprise.

A woman who had been bringing a friend from Japan showed up and brought her to meet the kids. Mrs. Ty came and sat and shared that her family was safe but she worried about some of her friends and her country. The kids were mesmerized and we ended up praying for her and her country. It made an impact on the kids.

I was so moved by our kids kindness. Here they are: poor in wealth and new to this "missions" thing. They immediately stepped up knowing that God would provide. I wonder why that is so easy for some and not for others??????

I read this today:
The Cost of Following Jesus

John 9
57 As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” 58 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” 59 He said to another man, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” 60 Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” 61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.” 62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Those little kids, without hesitation, said: "we must do something about that!" and did it...they followed Jesus without hesitation. Why do we form so many excuses and then end up walking away when we think that the cost will be great?

So much heartache.......

This world is so full of heartache. Just this morning, I have heard news of cancer treatments, surgeries, special kids having rough times, parents of special kids having rough times, a young teen boy who needs a home, preemie babies needing to grow...and the list goes on. THIS IS ALL IN THE LAST TWO HOURS. The ONLY thing any of us can do is to realize that God IS in control and to walk through this journey of life with faith that there is Someone beside us who is STRONG ENOUGH to hold us up, WISE ENOUGH to guide us through and MORE CARING than we can imagine to soothe our fears. His name is Jesus....



"I Peter 5:10 says: ‘After you have suffered a little while, … the God of all grace will Himself restore you.”

 For my friends and all those who are hurting today...hang on to that verse. It will bring you hope and rest!